RaptureProof™ Tee
Say goodbye to unplanned ascensions with our RaptureProof™ apparel. Patented Sky Shield™ Anti-Ascension Coating Technology is the world’s first anti-Rapture surface treatment, scientifically* engineered to repel divine tractor beams, celestial vacuums, and spontaneous upward drift. Liberally pre-applied to this garment, you can enjoy the confidence of knowing you’ll stay grounded when the trumpet sounds.
(*By “scientifically,” we mean “imagined while laughing over nachos.”)
Featuring:
Weighted Apparel: RaptureProof™ apparel comes pre-fitted with lead-lined hems so you’ll never leave your barstool.
Sky Shield™ Coating: Invisible anti-ascension film, scientifically tested against helium balloons and church youth group lock-ins.
Prophecy Jammer: Disrupts any frequency generated by shofars, trumpets, or poorly translated numerology.
Trumpet Resistant: Field-tested against shofars, bugles, and overenthusiastic youth pastors.
All-Weather Durability: Rain, shine, or apocalypse, it keeps you stuck like duct tape on a church pew. Whenever the trumpet sounds, you'll be sure to keep your pants on.
"Here today. Still here tomorrow." (Now smile and wave as those annoying religious friends float away.)
More details
- Solid colors are 100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton
- Ash color is 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester
- Heather colors are 52% combed and ring-spun cotton, 48% polyester
- Athletic and Black Heather are 90% combed and ring-spun cotton, 10% polyester
- Heather Prism colors are 99% combed and ring-spun cotton, 1% polyester
- Lightweight fabric (4.2 oz)
- Regular fit
- Unisex sizing
EU GPSR Product Information:
- Manufacturer contact information
- Name: Sacred Cow Diner
- Email: contact@support.sacredcowdiner.com
- Postal address: PO Box 5696 Santa Monica, CA 90405
- Additional information: This product is made for adults. 2 year warranty in EEA and UK, established by Directive 1999/44/EC.
Size & Fit
Quality Guarantee & Returns
- Quality is guaranteed. If there is a print error or visible quality issue, we'll replace or refund it.
- Because the products are made to order, we do not accept general returns or sizing-related returns.
RaptureProof™ Tee Size Guide
| Size label | Length | Width |
|---|---|---|
|
XS
|
27
|
16 1/2
|
|
S
|
28
|
18
|
|
M
|
29
|
20
|
|
L
|
30
|
22
|
|
XL
|
31
|
24
|
|
2XL
|
32
|
26
|
|
3XL
|
33
|
28
|
|
4XL
|
34
|
30
|
|
5XL
|
35
|
32
|